When love confronts the hurdles of health, the bonds we share are tested in ways we never expect. Join us as Dylan, the devoted husband to my client Isabelle, opens up about their shared path through the complexities of Hypothalamic Amenorrhea recovery. Their story is a poignant reminder of the resilience required in the face of eating disorder battles and the profound influence of unwavering partnership on the road to healing.
This episode is a tapestry of vulnerability and strength, where we traverse the importance of communication, understanding, and the delicate art of support without overstepping. Dylan's insight into the nuances of being a pillar while ensuring his own self-care illuminates the balance that is often unspoken, but vital in navigating recovery together. His reflections on life post-recovery are a testament to the ongoing commitment to sustain healthy habits and the positive ripple effects they have on a relationship.
We wrap up with a heartfelt discussion on the power of joy and acceptance, particularly in an era dominated by social media comparison. Dylan's approach to embracing change, especially in the context of weight gain, offers a perspective on expressing unconditional love that goes beyond the physical. His experiences serve as invaluable guidance for anyone walking alongside a loved one on their journey to wellness, and a reminder that the strength found in shared victories and understanding is immeasurable.
Apply for coaching w/Cynthia: https://p.bttr.to/3ybjfOb
Website: https://www.periodnutritionist.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/period.nutritionist
For the full show notes - please visit my website: periodnutritionist.com
When love confronts the hurdles of health, the bonds we share are tested in ways we never expect. Join us as Dylan, the devoted husband to my client Isabelle, opens up about their shared path through the complexities of Hypothalamic Amenorrhea recovery. Their story is a poignant reminder of the resilience required in the face of eating disorder battles and the profound influence of unwavering partnership on the road to healing.
This episode is a tapestry of vulnerability and strength, where we traverse the importance of communication, understanding, and the delicate art of support without overstepping. Dylan's insight into the nuances of being a pillar while ensuring his own self-care illuminates the balance that is often unspoken, but vital in navigating recovery together. His reflections on life post-recovery are a testament to the ongoing commitment to sustain healthy habits and the positive ripple effects they have on a relationship.
We wrap up with a heartfelt discussion on the power of joy and acceptance, particularly in an era dominated by social media comparison. Dylan's approach to embracing change, especially in the context of weight gain, offers a perspective on expressing unconditional love that goes beyond the physical. His experiences serve as invaluable guidance for anyone walking alongside a loved one on their journey to wellness, and a reminder that the strength found in shared victories and understanding is immeasurable.
Apply for coaching w/Cynthia: https://p.bttr.to/3ybjfOb
Website: https://www.periodnutritionist.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/period.nutritionist
For the full show notes - please visit my website: periodnutritionist.com
Welcome to the Period Recovery Podcast. I'm your host, cynthia Donovan, registered dietitian and period recovery expert, who has been where you currently are. This is the podcast to listen to if you want your period back month after month, or if you want to restore your fertility and feel more relaxed around food and exercise. Consider this your safe space that will take the guests and the stress out of period recovery and bring you the information, the inspiration, tools, stories and empowerment that are key in getting your period back month after month. Get ready to be inspired, get ready to get your period back and get ready to get your life back. Come on, let's dive in. I am so excited to introduce to you guys the Eat to Regain your Period Group Coaching program. If you are struggling to regain your period and you're feeling lost despite countless attempts to get it back, I invite you to apply to the Eat to Regain your Period Group Coaching program. If you're really tired of doing all the things getting no results, if you're dreaming of starting a family one day or just simply restoring your health, if you're seeking a holistic, natural way to get your period back without pills or supplements, or if you just need personal guidance on what might be missing to regain your period To the team of registered dieticians. You are going to get a proven program that has helped hundreds of women across the world regain their cycles back, restore their fertility and feel inspired and confident in a new found health. You guys, don't let your missing period be the biggest issue in your life anymore. Join me and reclaim your health with the Eat to Regain your Period Group Coaching program. To learn more, visit wwwperiodnutritionistscom.
Speaker 1:Hi everyone, welcome back to another episode of the Period Recovery Podcast, and today I have a very unique recording, and that is with my client, isabelle's husband, dylan. This is the first time I have ever had a partner or family member on the podcast and I think you guys are really going to love this, not only for yourselves, but to be able to share with your family members and partners alike. So Dylan and I chat about how do you support your person going through HA recovery, how do you think that you need to communicate when her exercise and eating patterns are impacting your life, and how do you share with your person that she is not the exception and that, just because she eats more than she thinks other people do or exercises less, how do we affirm that she still needs to do period recovery. And then, of course, we dig into the crippling fear of weight gain in our partners and family members, and Dylan offers also an amazing insight on how things felt for him and how he got through things, and how it really wasn't the easiest thing in the world to do, but it is a thing that he wouldn't change for the world, because his life and Isabelle's life, separately and jointly, are more amazing than he could ever have imagined. So let's dive in and let's chat with Dylan.
Speaker 1:Hi Dylan, welcome to the podcast. How are you?
Speaker 2:I'm doing well. Thanks for having me on, really excited.
Speaker 1:I am so excited to have you on, dylan, because you are the first partner, spouse, family member of any of my clients that has been on my podcast.
Speaker 2:It's only a little terrifying, I guess, but looking forward to it.
Speaker 1:No, no, not at all. I really appreciate you taking the time out to do this, because I think what's sometimes lost in recovery is sometimes what the partner, what the family member, has to go through with seeing their spouse or their partner or family member struggle. And I know today we're going to talk about it from more of a partner perspective, a spouse perspective, and I know you're going to be able to offer some amazing insight for those that are out there, like, what do I do? Like how do I support, and just a disclaimer, like this is Dylan and I. Our conversation has everything to do with his wife, isabel, who's been a client of mine for quite some time now. So let's kind of look at this broad perspective. Every woman is different, but there's going to be a lot of key points that Dylan and I are going to highlight that are probably going to be across the board for everyone out there. So let's dive in. Dylan, that's great.
Speaker 1:My first question is like back in the day, isabel, we were just recording a podcast, actually last night. But how did you know, how did this all start for you, if you have to look back in time, of when you knew this was something Isabel was struggling with. Where did it start and how did you kind of navigate that?
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, I mean we can start from the very beginning. Even our first date, I mean, we went out to dinner and it was awesome time. Dylan did still go back to the restaurant and you know she was. She was a skinny gal, about 90 pounds, soft and wet, and it was. It was noticeable From there. You know, a couple of months later we went to one of my family members' weddings and I could just pick up Isabel and show her to my family members. I mean, it was as literal as that and we just knew that she was terribly underweight and it had been the case for years.
Speaker 2:Then we got married about a year after the fact and we're continuing on with our lives. You know, we talked about having few, we talked about our future, we talked about what does that look like, and usually it did come up, as you know, what does health look like? I for those of you that don't know, and Cynthia probably alluded to I work as a nurse on a cardiac floor, so healthcare is my number one, number one factor in my professional life. And you know, what does balanced diet look like? What does weight gain look like? What does being able to have a family, getting pregnant, all of that actually look like.
Speaker 2:And then, about a year and a half year or so into our marriage, Isabel just kind of came to the realization that she couldn't have a family and really struck her because, you know, I guess she kind of likes me or something. She wants to spend her life with me. She wants that time, and realizing that being underweight, not eating, not giving her body the nutrients that it needs, is going to shorten that time together, it's not going to allow her to live the life she wants, have the family she wants, and I think she'd been watching different you know, nutritional Instagram influencers for years. I don't know when she kisumbled upon you, Cynthia, but eventually it came to what May 2022, give or take, or 2023, excuse me and we got the process rolling.
Speaker 1:Yes, and Isabel was just telling me. She told me for the first time when we did an Instagram live back in December, like she was following you for a while and you just keep on popping up and I would just completely avoid you and you just kept coming back.
Speaker 2:You're a scary woman, Cynthia. I'm just going to let everyone know.
Speaker 1:Yes, and so the day Isabel and I met I still remember it it was actually on my way home, an hour away from my home. I was doing something an hour away, I can't remember what it was, but I stopped at a local Starbucks because I just knew Isabel was in a place where she was scared to take this, this step, but also ready, and so I'm like I need to stop everything that I'm doing because I can really, after all these years of working with women like Isabel, I can sort of read them before actually even knowing them. And I'm like we need, I have to talk to this woman. And so we talked and I believe, right on the spot, she's like, yep, let's do it, let's do this together. So in the rest is history Well, so we'll say easier said than done, but yeah, and we're going to go into some kind of common things that pop up with our partners in recovery.
Speaker 1:But I wanted to know from you, dylan, like how was it? How did you feel from a partner standpoint, seeing her struggle, seeing her, you know, have all these behaviors and knowing that health was primarily, you know, your main focus out of all all the things, and obviously her well-being, how was it for you? How did you feel? Like was it? Did you feel lonely? Did you feel hopeless? Did you feel like, oh my gosh, I don't know what to do?
Speaker 2:Well, as Isabel will put it, I am a golden retriever of a human super positive. I think that bled into the situation a lot, but there were moments of fear, anxiety. You know Isabel would come in with questions that I didn't have the answers to. I got sidelined with new things and I got blindsided by different questions that were scary. And you know, from my perspective as a husband, you know I have the traditional husband values of my job to protect. It's the buck ends with me. I should be on top of this and be able to protect her and I did feel a little bit how hopeless is the right word, but definitely and useless probably isn't the right word either. But yeah, I know what you're trying to say.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that hopeless, not useless, but maybe like a little bit helpless where it's like you know you want to take care of her.
Speaker 1:But it's like, well, how, how do I do it? And what? For you, dylan, was kind of like, because there's lots of partners out there and lots of family members out there that feel like, okay, you know, I can get my, my spouse, you know, my family member through this. What was kind of like the factor for you in your head where it's like, okay, well, I can support her, but not to this capacity.
Speaker 2:You know, I think it just came from a realization. Like I do at my job, I don't have all the answers for patients. I don't know what's going on all the time. I mean, the body is a complicated machine and I think that was a good understanding to have from the get go, because it allowed me to just say Isabel, I don't know what's going on, so let's get resources, let's get tools, let's think about it, talk through it and not just dwell on the. This is terrifying. Let's dwell on. We may not know, but that doesn't mean we can't move forward. And I think, finally come to the realization that she had your group, she had you, she had something where she has an expert, she has other women that understand exactly what she's going through, was just a huge help. And understanding and realizing that and giving up the control of I'm there and I'm supposed to be able to do everything for her, that was an amazing moment. Probably happened about two months into the whole recovery process.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and was that? I mean, of course I know you would do anything for that woman, which most partners and spouses and family members would, but how did it feel for you to know that she was being taken care of and in the way that no one else probably could take care of her and helping her overcome this, like wait off your shoulders? Was it just like? Who? Like?
Speaker 2:you took the words. You took the words out of my mouth, wait off my shoulders. It. Something that is when I talked about in preparation for this podcast was, you know all of us are on a journey of is, well, obviously, being on this specific journey with you, but I'm on my own journey and partners are on their own journey, and it's very important that we're there to support, love and help our partners out with this. However, we still need to make sure, as partners, that we're taking care of ourselves, because there were a lot of moments of Fear, anxiety, stress, where I realized that I was. I was falling back on my own goals, on my own needs, and that's not a healthy place. It's really hard to help someone when you're not able to help yourself and know again, having the group, having you to take some of that off, really helped me as a person and continue my little adventure as a person.
Speaker 1:Of course, and I think that's so important. You mentioned that, dylan, because in this world of disordered eating, eating disorders, missing periods, it's, it's a lot. It is impacting your daily life as a partner, as a family member, and, of course, we love these individuals to death. It is hard and it takes away from us and it takes away from the people that we need to be in order to be the partner that we need to be right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you never use it as a scapegoat. You know I need me time, something like this no, but it's really important to make sure you are taking care of yourself as a partner.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's great to know that you had that, that boundary of knowing like all right. Well, I can only support her to a certain context and that lets together find the resources and the things that could help support is about, which, in turn, will also help support the partner, and it's, it's a good knowing that. Like all right, you know, I know we want to help, but there has to come a point in time knowing that there's only certain things we can do, because we're not a J experts in even if we are right, even if we are we don't know everything about everything, so that's amazing that you're able to support her, but also, you know, create a boundary of like.
Speaker 1:All right, I can't help, but let's find something. And I'm a big fan of that and I have to tell you, dylan, ever since I've done what I do, which has been I don't know good like five years now. Anytime I have an issue that is taking me too long to figure out, I'm like I gotta find a coach. I find someone, because it's it's gonna take the guests and the stress out of it for me and then the people around me. If this is something bigger, I'm not going to my friends.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to my family with things that I know they're not gonna be able to help me, and because they're not experts in that.
Speaker 2:So and specifically for guys, I feel like we do have that certain mentality of you know, I can do this. I mean, just today I'm working on a bathroom project and, yeah, I could be paying a professional contractor to do it, but I kind of have that drive up. No, I have two hands, I can do this job. I don't need to pay someone to do that, but dang it. There are those moments where you tear down a wall, you see water damage, you're like okay, no, this is not my job. I need someone who knows exactly what they're doing and I just need to go for it.
Speaker 1:Yup, that's a good analogy point you, because you may think you know I got this and I was like, oh, big roadblock here, and that's when I have to call in in the support that I need. So I want to say Dylan took the time to think about like common things that pop up in recovery. So we're going to chat through them and hoping we can cover most of them and, of course, if we can't, there's always going to be, there's always going to be something and that's why it's just super encouraging to get in and I'm not saying you guys have to come to me for support, but getting support in in this Complex thing because it's not just about a missing period. And actually, before we go into these, dylan, these common kind of things that pop up, I would love to hear from you how life we don't have to talk about how life was, but how much different it is now with Isabel.
Speaker 2:And if it's okay, I'm okay comparing and contrasting, because I do think it's an important part of the story.
Speaker 1:No, no, please you tell us what you feel like if you were you know this was a year ago and you're like I want to listen to this person's spouse what would you want to tell them?
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, first and foremost, life is better and that's just a simple, simple truth of it. You know beforehand either again, and I'll just speak to what I understand. If you want to correct me at any time, I'm happy for correction, but it seems like one of the general paths of you know, ha and a rexie, all these things that get us to losing our periods. You know you're on a strict schedule, you are, you have your workout times, you have your walking times, you have when you can eat, when you can't eat. If you're going to have a bigger meal In the evening because you're going out with friends, you have to have smaller meals during the day, and it's just that flawed mentality that kind of comes with the with the territory. Fair enough so far. So we've gone through the recovery program. You know we're still working on it and I think it's important to know that you you still have to work on these goals and make sure that you don't fall back in your old ways, but where we would go out for ice cream before the recovery program and Isabelle had to make sure that she had her walks in during the day, you know, a couple hours at a time that she had to do all of her workouts and if it was a workout and if we were going to go up for ice cream, she probably couldn't eat lunch or breakfast because she had to save up and earn or have the room for that ice cream.
Speaker 2:And for me, as a partner, I really enjoy doing little gifts for Isabelle, I enjoy surprising her with things and for me it's really really a good thing to just surprise her with food, with time away, with a little adventure. But it was hard because we couldn't, because it didn't fit into that perfect little schedule, it didn't fit into the narrative that was going on, didn't fit into the food program that she had before recovery and it would cause stress, it would cause arguments. It was sad at times and now we I've gone out for ice cream just randomly as we're thinking about going to bed. We're having fun, we're being spontaneous, we have all this life that is now being poured out because we have so much in ourselves and we're enjoying time with friends more. We don't have to worry about the schedule of okay, all these things line up, so now we can hang out with friends, it's, we feel great, let's go enjoy time with the people we love and care about, and it's a wonderful, wonderful progression.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's amazing, Dylan. I love hearing that because you know it's important. As a practitioner myself, who also went through this at one time, I can completely empathize with how Isabel, you know, used to feel. And let's go do X, y and Z without it, like you know, disrupting, like you know, throwing her completely off track. It's just it's a gift that keeps on giving it really truly is I mean?
Speaker 1:to this day, dylan, I don't know how many years out I've I've been, you know, quote unquote, recovered, but I still am like, oh my gosh, like it just feels so good to like just go with the flow, and I can't imagine, you know, being a mom with having those, those thoughts, and it's possible to still be a mom and be in this place. But it makes it a lot easier.
Speaker 2:I'll tell you that. One of the big things for me. I joke, I laugh, I'm outrageously positive. It's annoying at times. But we also noticed I don't know how long in Isabel was laughing, which seems like an odd thing to lose, but you know she would have to force happiness, joy, laughter. And now I do something dumb, just small, and she's on the floor laughing and it's just. It brings life to our home and our lives. It's beautiful, yeah.
Speaker 1:It really is, and I'm sure you know thinking about when you met Isabel and sure you ended up getting married. So you must have loved her right. But I mean how, on a scale from one to 10, if you could like rate how much more amazing things have been between the two of you as partners. How would you say, that has changed.
Speaker 2:I mean again for me as a person I am. I don't think my love for Isabel has changed but, there's less of a fine line between enjoyment and nervousness you know, where, where Isabel could, I'd say, change on on the flip of a switch.
Speaker 2:You know she was fine, but then I'd suggest we go do something. And she couldn't handle it, and really to no fault of her own. I mean, you know, if she's not getting the fat, the nutrients, everything for her hormones to regulate and her brain to develop, and all that, it's by no fault of her own. But she just couldn't process that change. So that, you know, flip of a switch isn't there, it's, we can process things and just grow more deeply together. So, yeah, no different love, but it's, there's more understanding and less tediousness.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah yeah, and I mean unfortunately. I know myself included at one point. I'm sure people would be like, oh my gosh, I'm walking on eggshells around her. You know so and that's and that's hard to. I don't want to say, live with someone like that, because we love them no matter what, but it's sure the hack makes it a lot easier and you're able to connect so much more deeply at a level than someone that is not completely getting nourishment. So I appreciate you sharing all that. Dylan and I. Just you know the things Isabel has been able to share in the group of how amazing you are and how you know how much more fun she's having and being spontaneous. And she, you know, looks at it.
Speaker 2:She's like I just can't even believe where I am now and where I was and not just connecting with me, connecting with other people. I mean shout out to the ladies in the group and the conversations they have, the friendships that they're making. I mean it's just, it's beautiful, and she has a better ability to do that now that recovery is part of her life. It's awesome.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is awesome. I like to say Isabel, I it's almost like I don't want to say she's a clone of me, but she, she helps support the group and she is like the biggest cheerleader and I'm like it's just been amazing to see her where she was and where she has now grow as a person. It's just I am truly honored to be able to have, you know, played a part and also had seen that that happen. So, all right, let's get into the burning things that I'm sure all the family members and the partners and spouses out there are kind of like huh, you know what do I do if?
Speaker 1:and again, these aren't all inclusive. This is by no means like advice that is going to, you know, treat every single woman, but some things to just open some contacts and think you or help you think a little bit bigger picture of what is actually going on. So, dylan, do you want to start at at the top with our questions and okay, so all right, the first one that you came up with.
Speaker 1:All right, she's hesitant to go quote, unquote. All in, how do you support her? So for those listening, all in is kind of another words of saying like all right, we got to eat a lot more, we got to rest a lot more, we got to work on our self care, so yeah. So how the heck do we support her? How did you support Isabel?
Speaker 2:Okay. Well, I'm stealing one of your phrases, cynthia, and it's no her why.
Speaker 2:You know, like I've alluded to before, it was that moment of realizing Isabel wants a family. Isabel wants a long, happy life without you know all the health risks that were coming from her. This disorder and this issue and for the partners out there, redirecting back to that saved us so much time and frustration, because it's easy to lose sight of your why it truly is. You know you are so focused on your schedules. You're eating, or lack thereof in this case, and you just that's what you know, being able to know exactly what it is, write it down and bring them back to. This is your why. Let's talk about it. Do we need to add to it? Do you need to discuss it with Cynthia? Do we need to figure out how to make that? Why happen?
Speaker 2:That was a huge, huge help with getting her back on track and, like I said before, with the lack of nutrition, lack of hormones, to not be able to eat, trusting your gut, when you've been in a state of disorder, like Isabel had been, it's not something you can do.
Speaker 2:So you know, going and making sure that you're following the book and getting the right nutrients, having the eating schedule and sticking to that, because it's hard to trust yourself at the beginning and even now we're still working on it. But it's important that you go back to that and, as always, another shout out to Cynthia and the group use your tools. You have the book, you have Cynthia, you have the group, and sometimes it's embarrassing to bring these things up. Sometimes it just hurts to talk about these things, but that's what you guys are there for, that's what all the ladies in the group are here to help with, and it is just something that you have to redirect her to sometimes. And that's okay and you do it lovingly, you're not mean about it, but you just make sure that she remembers that she has all this love and support.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you said that so beautifully, Dylan. And just the reminder of the why, the tools. And I always like to say to the partners out there, like, throw me under the bus, Just be like. What is Cynthia thing Like? Go ask Cynthia like you know, go ask her.
Speaker 2:That was my favorite phrase.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And what a nice resource and tool to have, not only for Isabel, but as her partner.
Speaker 2:It's like I didn't have all the answers and no one will have every answer she needs, but you do have answers, you do have help and you can talk through it and you just got to go back to it. It's a wonderful, wonderful. I don't want to say it's a wonderful out, but it's a wonderful way to redirect and help.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely, and I do love how you also said, dylan, like you know, these women, they can't particularly trust their gut and like rely on any kind of intuition, because for so long they have been not listening to their intuition and underfueling, which cause a lot, lots of irrational thoughts in the brain. The brain just doesn't have the energy source to think rationally and everything that is really small is, it seems like you know, the biggest thing to women, and I mean, for that matter, anyone who is undernourished. There's going to be a lot more inks, a lot more and not being able to trust intuition and gut. So I appreciate you, you sharing there and staying with the facts right and not like going all lower and just running around in their mind, because their mind is already running around, so redirecting them to the facts.
Speaker 2:So I appreciate you sharing that, okay.
Speaker 1:So another one was she doesn't think her exercise and eating patterns impact your life. How do you communicate that this is like? This is a thing for you too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. And yeah, I've quite a few thoughts here and we've already touched on some of them, so I'll try not to repeat. But you know this really plays into the blessing her with gifts, getting intimate time, making sure her schedule was, you know, in order and I think, overall, if I can give my one big piece of advice to the partners, it's be a rock. Be steadfast and just be consistent. If they're your partner, you already got the love, you already got that and you can stay with that. So not floundering on.
Speaker 2:Okay, it's 11 o'clock, it's time for my. Or 10 o'clock, it's time for my snack time. You know I'm not feeling really hungry. I think I can just wait till lunch. Just stick with what she has in her plan. Nope, it's time you, just snack. You gotta go for it. I know it's hard, but you need to stick with this and always having something to cling to your whys. You don't get to make this decision fully for yourself on skipping your meal, because you have this goal and we want to get there and we want to keep progressing and taking steps forward to reach that goal. Being able to do that is hard and doing it in a loving way is hard sometimes, but making sure that you just say it, stick with it and if it's hard, and not coming through redirecting back to the group and having them talk about it Again because they are trying to love and support her and know her place better than I ever could. I've never experienced HA. I don't think that's possible.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna throw that out there.
Speaker 2:So being able to do what you can and just stay in a consistent place and be there consistently for them is my number one for being able to get those patterns and make sure that it doesn't impact life as significantly, because once you start the group you are already impacting your life significantly. But staying in from there, making sure that you can stick with it and you don't have these impacts that throw you one way or the other, is gonna be important.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that was nice, that consistency that I don't even want to call it putting your foot down, but just being there consistently. And I know this might sound silly, but when we're trying to learn new behaviors, we gotta hear it from different places, different things, and just being consistent in the process of it. Because we have, I like to say there's these two voices in our heads as women with HA, we got the little white angel guy the little dark guy and they're constantly.
Speaker 1:Isabelle said it's like me against me and so yeah, and really.
Speaker 2:He's smart?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it really is. It is me against me. It's like the little angel and the little bad guy, but they're still you, me against me. So she put that quite nicely. And so when we have these conflicting voices to have a voice of reason, whether it's a partner or the group coaching program, just the same messaging over and over again is going to help rewire this person's brain to get out all these not so serving thoughts to and more serving thoughts to get them to a better place of better health and well-being. So anything else you wanted to share about that point?
Speaker 2:I would say and this is more to the ladies and not the partners just know, and no judgment. No, I'm not trying to be harsh, but know that your choices do affect your partners in a deep emotional way. Watching Isabelle struggle, watching her battle between those two voices for months and for during the day, you know, for hours at a time, it hurts. It really, really hurts. And again, it's not about me or the partner solely, but I want to do things with Isabelle. I wanted to bless her, I wanted to go on adventures, and yet she was. She was confining herself to this little bubble where it was just her, the voices, and nothing else could be a part of that, nothing else could enter in, and being on the periphery it is scary, it hurts.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I know one of the points you wrote down to Dylan was like just remembering this, this isn't this person's fault, like like I said earlier, yeah, yeah, and it's so important because it can be so frustrating, like why can't you just whatever, like why can't you and listen guys out there, partners, whoever is listening, and that's family member Like believe me, if it were that easy, they wouldn't be in this particular place, right, yeah?
Speaker 2:And I will be the first to admit, isabelle and I had shouting matches when I shouldn't have shouted these things. I was frustrated, I didn't get it. I really wanted her to be better and it wasn't in that instance. It's not just a flip of the switch, it is a process and frustration is okay. Not understanding is okay, telling not okay, but it happened Fair.
Speaker 2:It does happen to it, but being there and just understanding that it's not her fault. There are tools and the process is going to make things better. Just keep focusing on that for yourself, because you don't want to, you know, be the slave driver, making sure that she is doing exactly what she wants. The second she needs to do it. You don't have to be that role. You can go through this with her in a positive way. But, yeah, you're going to be frustrated at times.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and it's only normal. We're only human. And we want the best for our family members, our partners, and it's really hard when we can't flip that switch so easily. So another one that you came up with, dylan, was she thinks she is the exception, right. So she, yeah. So she eats more than other women and exercises less, and she looks to you as the partner to affirm that.
Speaker 2:How do you respond? Yeah, oh, this one hits it's my soul pretty well and it through years of my own journey and realizing and I don't mean to burst people's bubble, but in the most part everyone's pretty darn average. You know we were good at some things, but I usually like to describe myself as just average. I do some things really well. But breaking it to them that they're not the exception, they have a problem, they have a. Can we go as far as say it's a disease? They have this issue and you know they're going to have periods during the recovery program where they are eating more and we see other women in the group not eating as much as they are and they get their periods and one.
Speaker 2:Everyone be so happy and thankful for those people. Try not to get into that trap of oh, they're doing better than me, how could they be doing better than me? I'm working so much harder. Shut that down right now. But you're not the exception and lovingly saying that to them is really, really important.
Speaker 2:And they may not see the progress that you are seeing. It's another huge part of that whether they're hyper focused on that first period, that second or third period, whether they're hyper focused on making sure they get every meal exactly when they're supposed to get it. They may not, they may see that and not meet that goal right away. They may not be able to reach that goal in a timeframe when they set. But just letting them know that they are making great progress and try and write down little things like the laughing with Isabel. First couple of months she started laughing more and she was just focused on getting that period back. But the laughter came before that and it was beautiful. It was something that we could see. It's something that we could actually experience. That showed that she was getting better. So she may not be the exception. She may be focused on one goal, but look at the progress and reminder of that and be thrilled when those progress points are met or you see it. It really helps and it really gives them a sense of satisfaction.
Speaker 2:I think In a couple of other things, just make sure you do positive reinforcement to stick with the plan. Talk with the group. The tools are great. And also something that I think Isabel kind of struggled with was the duration or the amount of times that you've fallen back into. Ha can inhibit recovery. We're not all the same people and in that I guess, in that sense we are the exception. But everyone's journey is gonna look different. Isabel had lost her period twice, I believe, and your body knows that. Your body is smart and it's going to not entirely trust you when you start eating and be like, okay, everything's fine, period time. It might take a while for your body to trust you and come back to that normal and that healthy cycle.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, and I know that was one big struggle for Isabel, that it was taking a little bit longer than she had in her head. Right, Because we all have this envision in our head and really, to be honest, it's quite the mind of working towards recovery.
Speaker 1:Because if you think about it, it's like okay do all these things that are super uncomfortable but, sorry, can't tell you when your period's gonna come back. So it is. It would be like going to college and be like, all right, take all these super hard courses, but can't tell you when you're gonna graduate, so sorry.
Speaker 2:Could be years a few months.
Speaker 1:It could be, but the thing is like you said, dylan, going back to showing them like, oh my gosh, you're laughing more. Oh my gosh, we're able to go on these spontaneous weekend trips. We have friends that are like, hey, you wanna do something? And we just jump up and go do something. These are the things that we sometimes need to reinforce. Well, not only as me as a practitioner in the group, but as partners and family members noticing these small things, because not only are they amazing and make life a little bit easier during recovery, but these are the things that are going to help you keep living your life and going to honestly help that period come back, month after month.
Speaker 2:And girls. Bring that up to the group. They may seem small A laugh is something that everyone does, but bring that up to the group. Everyone that as well as told me about with the groups, loves supporting you and hearing about it and hearing about these little things, because for me little extra laughter if I was going through this may not seem like much, but other women who might have experienced that might have seen that and didn't realize that. Let them know, because that's really cool and in this, spouses, partners, boyfriends tell them it really does help and it's really really an awesome way for you guys to connect.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah and that laughter you guys is so important because we lose that and having fun. Bringing joy into our lives. That's what, when I am out of like food suggestions and rest, exercise suggestions, I'm like what are you doing to bring happiness and joy into your life? What are you doing? Because we had zero of that? I know I did like zero of that except, oh my gosh, I had a really hard workout. Go me at the gym.
Speaker 1:You know like okay, that's a very fulfilling life, but it's hard when you're in it, and if this is someone that's listening, that's kind of like well, I don't know my life any other way. I didn't either. Isabelle didn't either. All of my clients did not either. But there is so much more to life than just worrying about what we eat, worrying about when we're gonna exercise and how you know intact our routines are.
Speaker 2:So yeah, and if I can say one more point on that, I think we live in a day and age where comparison is almost the king of everyone's lives. You know, you're on Instagram, you, for me, I see the guy with the big house, the cool car, x, y, z in that way, and a lot for women is these Instagram influencers that have had, you know, so much success with looking the exact way that society says that they should look. It's comparing. You know, she can wear this type of clothing and just looks amazing on her. Why can't I be like that? I should do more to do that.
Speaker 2:All those negative, untrue comparisons. It is really really hard to not think okay, with the right amount of X, y and Z, I can get to that point and I'm a bit cynical on this. You know, I think there's a lot of fake people Instagram, you see, maybe a hundredth of a percent of someone's life. But and those people, they look happy, they look like they have it all going on, they understand everything, but I hate to say I just don't see it. I see people that look successful, but we never see their personal lives, we don't know them, we don't see the behind the scenes. And, yeah, they look happy. But again back to the laughter. I see, as the laughing more, that she is living life more and it's not just some filter on Instagram. This is really her and I'm seeing and experiencing the real Isabelle again and it's fantastic.
Speaker 1:Yes, it is. It is so much, dylan. And in the point you brought up about the comparison thing, that's a hard one.
Speaker 1:Especially our partners and family and loved ones because, yeah, we're seeing all this perfection on Instagram or Facebook or TikTok, wherever. Fortunately, the women with HA, they're all perfectionists, every single one, yes, every single one of them. It is a trait that comes very close with the whole HA territory, and so my advice out there, too, is encourage your loved ones to unfollow these people. If you scroll through Facebook or Instagram and you don't look at that photo and it's not bringing you laughter or joy or bringing some improvement to your well-being in order to get through HA, goodbye, and you can ask yourself simply how is this serving me? Is this bringing me closer to recovery or further away, and then make your decision from there. So I appreciate you sharing that too, dylan. So let's talk about the big crippling fear that all women have, and that's the crippling fear of weight gain. So how do we communicate? You truly still love that person despite any changes.
Speaker 2:And for me, again, it's be that steadfast rock for her. Like I said before, my love for Isabel hasn't changed. It hasn't gotten better, it hasn't gotten worse. It's a love that persists through all these things and having that mentality, I think, is important. I married, yes, ultimately I married Isabel's body, her emotions, her mind. But I married Isabel. Isabel is more than just her body. Isabel is more than just an object. Isabel is Isabel. I love her mind, her soul, I love her emotions, I love her oddities, I love everything that makes Isabel and it does help that she comes in a really pretty package, but I didn't marry her for that package. I married Isabel because she's Isabel and I think that's a really important thing to grasp as a partner Because, again, I work in health care People change, no matter what you do, no matter the workout routine, the operations procedures, the nutrition.
Speaker 1:No, matter what.
Speaker 2:We're all going to change as we grow older and I married Isabel because she's her and I want to grow old with her, not because I think she's going to remain this perfect bikini model of a human. I love her and I will say, with the ability to communicate, that I truly love her. She has struggled with accepting that and knowing that it's not just the way she looks is the reason why I love her, and I don't have a great answer for why or what to tell your partner on why you love them, how you still love them, because those questions do come up in their minds. But just being consistent and telling them the same things that I love you, no, nothing else, that's it that has been so helpful, I think, in communicating that.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Just keep showing up, keep showing up. And for someone that has struggled with HA pretty much across the board, we have some body image stuff going on to some context and we have a hard time loving ourselves and sometimes it can be really hard to accept love from others, especially the people that are closest to us. So the consistency, the continual showing up for your partner is really key, just reminding her why you value her. I love her laughter, I love this about you, you're humor, I love your energy and all the other amazing things that come along with better nutrition. So much more connection, whether it be physical or just emotional. It's truly amazing and not to say to put you on the spot here, dylan. But between a partner and a partner, intimacy is a lot of times the freaking window, because these women have no hormones, yeah.
Speaker 1:And we don't have to speak more, because that's an intimate heart, but probably night and day.
Speaker 2:I'm kind of an open book. Intimacy was hard in the beginning. You know Isabelle had to force intimacy and it was it hurt. It made me think what's wrong with me, what am I not fulfilling in this role? And again it goes back to she's not getting the nutrients that she needs to function properly, to have the hormones to enjoy and really show and experience that intimacy. And I feel like I'm on a weird commercial right now. Just ever since we did Cynthia's program, intimacy has been off the charts. It's great yeah.
Speaker 1:Maybe I should start marketing that yes.
Speaker 2:We finally found it, yeah, but in all honesty, it changed. It is so much better now. It's more fun, intimacy is a more frequent part of our lives and it's a really cool, interesting change that I don't know for me, I didn't immediately think of that when Isabelle said she was going to do period recovery. It wasn't like, oh well, finally this is going to. Didn't even cross my mind, but it's a really cool buyback Bonus, yeah.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. And for those out there, those partners out there and I can speak to this as a woman of the HA, like you may think like your partner potentially isn't into you or like just doesn't like to be intimate, because I know, at one point in my life, dylan, I was like this is just not for me, like maybe this is not the woman I am, but it just really comes down to even no sex hormones. You like the reason why we're put on this earth and I'm not saying we all have to procreate, but that's like a biological thing but that's why we do, you know, have sex. And when you have no sex hormones, you're not doing any of that because your body doesn't have the resources and certainly doesn't want to make another human life if things are in scarcity around here, such as food and rest. So there's a lot of science behind that. So, okay, we got a couple more little talking points here, and the next one is when? Do you know you're fighting a battle that isn't intended for you.
Speaker 2:So I think what you're trying to say here.
Speaker 1:Dylan is like how do you know?
Speaker 2:like this is not just her being, like you know, so we go ahead when, when Isabel and I first discussed this question my first mind, because I'm sure there's lots of the office fans out there there's an episode where the lead character, michael Scott who's kind of an idiot, if we're all honest, the ladies are like you always ask us if we're on our periods and he comments back Well, I want to know if the anger is real or not. And it's funny, it's, it's adorable and I, you know, I think socially then I could be wrong. It's not really appropriate to ask women, you know, are you on your period?
Speaker 1:What's going?
Speaker 2:on, but you're their partner, you're that person in their life. And my biggest thing here is guys ask it's okay to ask what they're feeling, why they're saying and doing the things that they're doing, and for me I kind of boiled it down to three words of and it's obviously much more complicated than this but hunger, hormones, frustration because you know, being angry is a real thing. Yep, you need food. You need food to function.
Speaker 2:Hormones, again if you're not having the proper nutrition to make those hormones, they're at a balance that affects your moods and your actions. Or sometimes people are really just frustrated and may have a right to be frustrated and upset and asking Isabel though is it hunger, is it hormones, is it frustration? And not to like pick a fight, but for her to get a little self reflection that solved so many problems, and it's really okay to ask her to reflect, because she may not fully grasp why she's frustrated in this area, why you're frustrated in this area, and it's much better to just try and find the root cause than have a meaningless argument that leads you both feeling drained and just have the life sucked out of you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that communication is is key and I love, love how you put that, dylan. Like alright, let's, let's kind of get curious about this, like what's going on? Do we feel like it's hunger and hormones and let me say, lack of hormones can totally skew the mood, but then, as your hormones start to turn back on and I don't know if you notice this at all, dylan, like there's a lot more emotional stuff comes in. So, yeah, so it's in the beginning and it's it's throughout, but this is a great way and some great tips for you know, family members and partners to communicate.
Speaker 2:And shout out to my old nursing professor, Sue Goble Sue, love you. When we're talking about nursing, you know we deal with patients.
Speaker 2:that are they no one really wants me at the hospital. I found that out pretty quickly and we deal with patients that are using drugs, that are frustrated with medical care. They don't want to be there but we have to run more tests. And she gave us the phrase don't get frustrated, get curious. And when you said the word curious, do that With. One of you is angry. Don't just defeat into the frustration, the anger, the being upset. Get curious about it why is this happening? And go from there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that curiosity is is key, for sure, because we really don't know, and, regardless of its period recovery or not it's great to get curious with your partner so we can understand each other's points of view. So, okay, let's talk about what were some emotions or struggles you faced while your partner began recovery, and I want to add a little bit onto this to how did, how did you, how did you overcome this? And you know what are some things you did for self care.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think this really plays back into the part. Everyone's on a journey. The partners are on the journey. That's different than than our partners, and making sure you get time to work on yourself, to understand where you're at it's really important Because that'll help you keep nice and even keeled. You have things you need to work on. It's really important that you don't allow your the issues and struggles with your journey to bleed over and frustrate your partner.
Speaker 2:And for me, I'd say I'd say pretty confidently that I struggled with eating, to working out too much. You know college I was always trying to look like Chris Evans and Captain America and that led me to some places where I had to work on my own eating habits. And seeing Isabelle go through this, I feel like there were two ways I could have gone. I could have either been okay, Isabelle's gaining, gaining the weight, she's recovering, she's doing everything she can to do this. I should do go on that same path, which is what I ended up doing. I'm eating healthier, I'm exercising in a more rational degree.
Speaker 2:I think that really inspired me and helped me or I could have done okay, they're gaining weight, they're looking a little puffier at times, they're doing these things and it's scary. Maybe I should just not do that and I mean it's ridiculous. You know you want to support them and you want to love them and I really try to be an example for Isabel with her, go through this entire thing with her, because ultimately, we are living a life together. Everything we do affects the other person and being that support is really, really important, and knowing that changes are going to happen to her and me and that's okay because we're doing it together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I love how you say doing it together. But yeah, in a way it was a nice. It sounds like a nice balance for you, dylan, because it's not like you went to the extreme, like not that Isabel either did, but you still had some balance and healthiness to this whole process, versus like I'm going to do everything and anything Isabel is doing so that she knows I'm there, but yeah, still taking care of yourself, which ultimately helps support her even more.
Speaker 2:And with Isabel, and like we talked about just a little bit ago, the hormones fluctuating will make a wave of emotions at times and doing your best not to ride that wave with them Again, be that consistency At their loads, pull them up. If they are riding as high as can be and think that they've got it all figured out and they don't need to be doing this anymore, you can bring them back and say, hey, let's keep working on this. I think we should talk to Cynthia and see if we're actually there or if we need to bring things back into check and bring you back to let's continue and not just go off on a tangent that could ultimately be harmful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. It sounds like, Dylan, you really knew, and I'm sure there was hiccups at times, because nothing is. I mean, recovery is like a squiggly line. It's not like linear, right, but it's great that you knew what it sounds like. You knew when to say like all right, this is like out of my scope, it's deter to Cynthia and the group, or this is something that I can continue to work through with Isabel. It sounds like you had a great boundary of what you could handle without completely throwing yourself under the bus, because this, being a partner and living with someone that's going through this, it's very taxing. I like to ask too what did you do to take care of yourself? What were some kind of self-care things for you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think for me. I just really dove into some hobbies I play guitar, I work out, I spend time with friends, I love researching things, watches, honestly finding something that I could learn a bit about. I would dive into things that would make me happy, that would bring me joy and ultimately and I probably annoyed Isabel off of this bringing up my little wins and oh, I found this out about this cool watch that does this thing and enjoying my highs and lows with her, while still making sure that I was acting in a way that brought us closer together and didn't alienate her from my life, didn't just dive into one thing and completely block off. Isabel, this is your recovery. I don't need to be here Showing your partner in with you on your little enjoyment, your little hobbies, and showing her that you are there for her. You are there with her and you're doing this together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and thank you for sharing that, dylan. And last but certainly not least, our bodies of our partners are likely going to change. So how did you affirm her as her body changed? And I guess, what was that like for you? Was she like oh my gosh, do you think I gained weight? My clothes are fitting to like. What was that like? And I guess? And how did you affirm her?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, obviously you're going to change weight. You're going to. We have gone on a few clothes shopping trips because you know the double zero clothes weren't fitting anymore and there were tears, but not to take away from you, cynthia. But Isabel follows a few other, you know, recovery influencers and those were helpful accounts for her to see, because at the end of the day I just tried to tell her that this wasn't forever. We'd look at other people who'd recovered.
Speaker 2:And you know, you go through phases where you're gaining weight, your hormones are coming back and therefore your body has a natural tendency to get inflammation and I don't love using the word, but get a little puffier just from the inflammation.
Speaker 2:And then Isabel would be like, oh my gosh, I'm going to be this way forever. This sucks, I don't want to do this anymore being able to see other people that had been able to get to that part where they were, they did have inflammation, they weren't feeling their best and then their body trusted them, they was able to bring them back and you settle a little bit. You do have the ability to, you know, not have your 10 o'clock snack every day. After you get to that process, you're able to start thinking intuitively and the strict meal, snack meal, snack meal is not going to rule your life anymore. You get to be you again and, ultimately, an even better version of you. I think that was something that really helped Isabel and something that I could grasp onto too, to really help her and understand and be like no, this is a journey, this is part of it. There's a road beyond this little segment of the journey and it's going to be really cool and even better since we're going through this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah and we can't say that with too many things but the grass is definitely greener on the summer side. For your person that's going through this, and for the family members and the partners and it's not easy by any means.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think giving meaningful compliments too, you know just being like, hey, let's bring you back to laughter. Isabel, thanks for laughing with me this morning. I really enjoyed that, giving her things to grasp onto that aren't just rooted in you know the body. Give her compliments, Tell her about times you enjoyed, Make jokes All those things really help them grow and see that this is a process that you're doing together and are growing together in.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And it could be.
Speaker 1:as scary as it can be, it can also be quite a beautiful process.
Speaker 1:So, dylan, I so appreciate you taking the hour out today and our conversation was quite lengthy, but so needed and, again, so appreciated, because I know this is not only going to be helpful to women across the world but to their partners and family members to hear such an amazing perspective from you, dylan. So thank you so much for being here and, if there's anything else, is there anything else you wanted to mention before we wrap up that we may have forgot? If not, I think we covered a lot.
Speaker 2:I think we're good. Thank you for having me. I hopefully this helps out a couple of guys, couple of partners out there?
Speaker 1:Oh, it definitely will.
Speaker 2:You know, I just really hope that all the ladies that are listening to this you know it's an encouragement to them, their partners they can come to you and Isabel and just hopefully get a little gleam of light from it. I don't know, oh definitely, definitely will, dylan.
Speaker 1:So thank you again for being here and thank you for being such an amazing support system to your wife, isabel, too.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Thank you, Cynthia.
Speaker 1:Hi guys, I hope you enjoyed this episode. Please take a moment to think and reflect on how this could be helpful in your period recovery journey. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to the period recovery podcast. We know there are a lot of pods out there and I'm so excited and grateful you are here listening with me. If you need more support on your period recovery journey, schedule a time to chat with me on my website, periodnutritionistcom. If you found this podcast helpful, please help me spread awareness on missing periods by subscribing, leaving a review and sharing this podcast with others. Are you ready to get your period back and your life back? I'll see you in two weeks.